A Little Zoro Narrative
by Nehszriah
Summary: A small oneshot from the brain of our favorite greenhaired swordsman. Rating for language and homonedriven, primal urges.


I am very proud of myself for writing this! A bit disgusted at the crude language, but still proud! Don't be looking for more chapters of this or the predecessor of "A Little Nami Narrative", for none shall come. I do not own _One Piece_ or any of the spiffy characters because I am not Eiichiro Oda. Please read and review. It would be much appreciated.

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**A Little Zoro Narrative**

Why is dealing with women so damn difficult?

Now, the princess I could bear being around. Sure she was all for-her-people-justice-junkie, but I could live with that. I could look at her in the eyes and I felt nothing in return besides friendship. She was my nakama, nothing more. If only the other two were like that, then my life wouldn't suck so much.

How come my relations with females suck so bad?

The red-head... ugh... don't get me started on the damned red-head. She's cute and all, yeah, but I still don't trust her with our money. Luffy doesn't know it, but I check the ship's safe every one in a while to make sure it is all there. Thieves don't change their ways overnight you know. Then there are the times when I want to slice my gut open when I catch myself staring at her body. When we first arrived in Alabasta, I was about as thrilled as Sanji was for her wardrobe change. The only difference was that I held in my excitement while Sanji... was Sanji. At least the Marine-woman stayed in her normal clothes while in the desert country, though I expect she was a bit warm in that coat. Seeing her in those skimpy clothes my crewmates were in would have brought about fantasies of what Kuina would have become had she not died. I had secretly loved that girl and her death brought out the worst and best in me. My attitude sullen and gung-ho while dedicated and driven at the same time. Still, I don't think I can even look at the Marine without seeing my Kuina's face in her's. The very thought haunts me at random. Kuina could have been mine to have forever...

Shit... what in the hell is wrong with me?

I am a warrior. Warriors should not stray away from the path that leads to their dreams. If that Mihawk bastard knew I was trying to decide over which one of two women I wanted, he'd laugh and discard his promise to fight me for title of best swordsman. I doubt that he has himself a woman. I want to be as serious of a warrior as I possibly can be. Besides, the navigator could stray into the arms of the cook. I would kill him for that, considering he tries to win the heart of anything with a pretty face, breasts and other necessary body parts. At least he is the biggest threat as far as the female Straw Hat is concerned. Luffy is her brother of sorts and the duo of Usopp and Chopper are just complete screwballs. I doubt her taste goes towards that. The biggest challenge I would have with the swordswoman would be looking her in the eyes and seeing her. I don't see any of her fellow Marines being romantically attractive to her. Look at her superior. Two damn cigars at the same time! That would kill an ordinary person almost instantly. She's probably more disgusted by him than anything else.

Why can't I get them off my mind!

They're women. That's why. Man plus woman plus bed equals sex. I am a man and they are women and the only element missing is the quiet room with a bed. I know I can't have both of them together. They wouldn't stand for it. The best I can do as of right now is lay silently in my hammock and curse the fact that I have such a thing as a highly distracting sex drive while I fall asleep to the sound of my captain snoring. At least I know that he's too dull to think about women other than in a nakama sense. We're a big family to him. If that's the case, then that will mean that I daydream about being intimate with my sister and then being with... I'll just call her a distant cousin for now. What a sickening thought.

Why do I find myself attracted to two completely different women?

I found myself trying to write the other day. I have no clue why, but I was. It was so weird to hold a pen in my hand and try to spell out words. My handwriting is worse than Hell. I can't spell for the life of me and what little I can read usually comes off of wanted posters and bulletins for pirate bounties. Nothing mattered though, for there I was, writing a letter. It was the kind that started with "I cant stopp thinkng about u", or however it is you damn people who can spell write it. The letter ended up being some sappy crap about my love, or something like that. After I was done and had read it over, I cursed violently as I shred the paper up and threw it out the porthole into the ocean. Love letters are not my style at all. They make me look like an idiot. The most important part of the letter is who I addressed it to. There was no name, other than mine at the bottom.

How is it that women can turn me into such a romantic moron?

I want some, but I don't want some. Maybe finally choosing and attempting to court one out would help to get my mind off them both... or it could just make things worse. I don't know what kind of husband would I be if my wife was a salty seafarer as I am or just as worse, part of the military sworn to take down my style of life. Usopp's parents had to separate when he was born. It would suck to have that happen to me and my wife if we had kids. That is... if I ever seek one out. I could just avoid the female race for the rest of my days, dying a horny old man or a horny young man. Whichever comes first I guess.

Nami the Navigator or Tashigi the Marine... which one will I choose in the end?

Damn it Gold Roger. Life-changing decisions are not my strong point!


End file.
